Recess week, my turning point

I am so glad it is the first day of recess week now, I hope time can just stay at what it is now, at least make me feel 24 hours are like 36 hours. I really need time to rest, to reflect and maybe to even complain a little.

I hope someone would lend me a pair of ears right now, someone who will not judge me, someone who will just listen and not to say "suck it up, you made your choice, so just do it". I am tired and I have no idea, why I am putting myself through so many commitments, some of which I have already lost interest and I see no reason why I should continue. And I do learn my lesson! First thing, if you admire someone, do not follow what he/she does, their goals might not be a suitable goal to us. I got into choir committee because I was trying to do what my friend has done to make himself eligible for graduate medical school, which is to make your CCA experience as many as possible, but I doubt I like to be a doctor now. I got into Engineering In Medicine program because it might help to make my CV form looks better, which again because of graduate medical school. 

Do I really want to be a doctor? It is still a question which I can't answer directly a YES/NO. I don't foresee my commitments will choke me during then and now I lose control. Singing is no more fun for me, having so many responsibilities lurking behind my mind. I am struggling with my grades, I am struggling to meet deadlines, I lost interest almost to whatever responsibilities I have. I have 3 Whatsapp groups just for  projects, and I would like to mute them and pretend they are never there. But, I hate to be a free rider too.

I didn't get my Student Exchange Program(SEP) preferred choice, and I foresee it will be getting tougher for me to get what I want for the subsequent rounds. Life is a mess, tiring and not FUN anymore.

Enough with the complaints. Above all, the thing that I concern most is not getting a place in Europe for SEP ,I am very clear about that. And in order to do so, I need to pull my grade up. Meanwhile, responsibilities are still responsibilities. There are so much to do and so little time. I have to make a list again, I have to attend to all the stuff on the list one by one, no more avoiding any of them. I have to get back to a proper study lifestyle. I have to make myself happy to not hate the things I do, and to do so, I have to catch up some sleep, and make sure I am physically fit again to attend to my work. I have to draw positive energy from my faith in God, I have to trust Him more. More prayers and more prayer requests. I have to face the problems, they won't go away by sitting there and hate them.  Recess week is my turning point, I have to make that happen.