Recess week, my turning point

I am so glad it is the first day of recess week now, I hope time can just stay at what it is now, at least make me feel 24 hours are like 36 hours. I really need time to rest, to reflect and maybe to even complain a little.

I hope someone would lend me a pair of ears right now, someone who will not judge me, someone who will just listen and not to say "suck it up, you made your choice, so just do it". I am tired and I have no idea, why I am putting myself through so many commitments, some of which I have already lost interest and I see no reason why I should continue. And I do learn my lesson! First thing, if you admire someone, do not follow what he/she does, their goals might not be a suitable goal to us. I got into choir committee because I was trying to do what my friend has done to make himself eligible for graduate medical school, which is to make your CCA experience as many as possible, but I doubt I like to be a doctor now. I got into Engineering In Medicine program because it might help to make my CV form looks better, which again because of graduate medical school. 

Do I really want to be a doctor? It is still a question which I can't answer directly a YES/NO. I don't foresee my commitments will choke me during then and now I lose control. Singing is no more fun for me, having so many responsibilities lurking behind my mind. I am struggling with my grades, I am struggling to meet deadlines, I lost interest almost to whatever responsibilities I have. I have 3 Whatsapp groups just for  projects, and I would like to mute them and pretend they are never there. But, I hate to be a free rider too.

I didn't get my Student Exchange Program(SEP) preferred choice, and I foresee it will be getting tougher for me to get what I want for the subsequent rounds. Life is a mess, tiring and not FUN anymore.

Enough with the complaints. Above all, the thing that I concern most is not getting a place in Europe for SEP ,I am very clear about that. And in order to do so, I need to pull my grade up. Meanwhile, responsibilities are still responsibilities. There are so much to do and so little time. I have to make a list again, I have to attend to all the stuff on the list one by one, no more avoiding any of them. I have to get back to a proper study lifestyle. I have to make myself happy to not hate the things I do, and to do so, I have to catch up some sleep, and make sure I am physically fit again to attend to my work. I have to draw positive energy from my faith in God, I have to trust Him more. More prayers and more prayer requests. I have to face the problems, they won't go away by sitting there and hate them.  Recess week is my turning point, I have to make that happen. 

16/8

It has been a month living in NUS. Well, at first I heard people said the food here was going to be terrible but so far I don't think the same way, the food indeed really satisfy me, the only problem I am facing now is....I am eating too much. Wondering why I can't control myself during dinner time, I am always tempted to eat two sets of dinner.Eventually, ya, I always give in to that temptation. Well, maybe the food here is really nice, or actually I am suffering a minor psychological problem. Perhaps, I choose to eat in order not to get too stress up. Maybe, I feel better eating rather than studying. It is like an excuse, the longer time you spend on meal, the shorter time you spend on studying. So,  maybe I choose to drag my meal time more, by eating more.

Whoever reading this, may think I will get fat very soon. Will see how my body turn out in few months time, but I am quite confident, obesity will not happen on me, especially living in SG, where most of the people has to get used to walking fast and sweating almost every day. I am quite sure Singaporean or people who are now living here stand no chance to get fat. In some point, the lifestyle here is indeed an advantage to maintain a slim body.

So, girls who are struggling with weight problem,  perhaps making an effort to secure a place for you to live in Singapore is not a bad idea. However, you must get prepared to love the crowd here, the crowds are everywhere, struggling to get a tiny little space for themselves to walk and stand. Well, you can't complain much since many brains coming into Singapore so frequently, so let us squeeze and squeeze to get a place for your ownselves, or else you should just wait for the next bus or MRT~~~~~

Singaporean

Engin O week 11 is really a soso camp, which I find it tiring and not fun.
I purposely join this camp because I have to start networking in NUS, just to make sure I won't find it tough to get a few project partners in future. However, I realize how different the topic of Singaporean in a conversation and make it hard for me to socialize with this group of people. Not because of the language they speak but the content itself is quite different. Their jokes are different and I have to act like I really feel funny in order not to show a sign of awkwardness on my face. The stuff they assume to be interesting but I can only get bored. Being part of this community is quite a challenging task. I hope I can find my own way to adapt and get used to this new society and able to get along really well with Singaporeans.

All and all, I still find using Mandarin in a conversation can really make it more friendly and comfortable together with a sense of belonging. I miss talking in a really relax manner with my friends in Malaysia, where I can totally be myself.

My days in Singapore.

12 July 2011 is the first time in my life I step into the land of Singapore. This is the country I never anticipate to enter because I show no interest to it. However, the only thing I am excited being in this place is to take a look what is National University of Singapore. Well, NUS is actually quite big but the seniors don't think that way because they claimed that they could walk around the whole NUS using 80 minutes and they can even memorize the map of NUS. Well, definitely Singapore is a small country and the land property is fewer, so I think we can't expect it to be really huge like a city. At least, the size of it, to me is not bad, and never a disappointment.

Until now, my favourite moment being here is joining the Association Malaysia Chinese Independent School Alumni (AMCISA) Freshman Orientation Camp (FOC). This is the best camp I have ever joined and none of the camp I organized or joined in the past can compare to this camp. The activity was cool, fun and very meaningful. I will never have such a great start in NUS without AMCISA.
In this camp, I find there are friends that could really play hard and study hard together. They are understanding and basically all of the freshman here are smart ass, really really smart and this is really an excitement.

Another interesting thing I find here is, Tsun Jin graduates who enter NUS are really little. The two largest group of students from Chinese Independent Schools are Foon Yew High School and Chong Hwa High School(KL). However, none of these matters, I just hope students from Tsun Jin will increase in future. Among the groups, I like students who came from Foon Yew high school most. They have the same kind of pleasant personality that I admire. Most of them are very active, brave, wise, outspoken and with right attitude. There are many things I got inspired by them and it makes me to have the desire to change for a better me. I am going to stick to them and learn with them, they are very special to me. I hope Tsun Jin can educate the students like the way Foon Yew did. I will definitely send my future children into Foon Yew if I have the chance. Students from Foon Yew are easy to be friends. I like them very much.

A start of my new journey

Okay, these are the last seven hours in my  place of living, my bedroom was nicely clean up, became more empty. First time in my life, I see my room in this kind of situation, the traces of me in my room are the least , never been like that before All this while, the room was messy, many stuff on the desk, but now it is really tidy and empty. "Ya room, your master is going to leave you, leave you clean and tidy". While packing and cleaning the room, I "pack " my feelings too. Goodbye friends and family. Hope all of us get used to the absence of me in Malaysia very soon, especially to my parents.

Someone told me how to deal with the feelings of the last days being in my own hometown. I have to think I will meet up with new friends which is going to be fun, I have to think I have had great times with my friends and family here and I have to feel grateful for that, I have to think anyhow I will be leaving this place eventually sooner or later. Ya, right ways to deal with the feeling of extreme reluctance, but still it is eating me.Anyway, I believe it is temporary, every year all students go through the same kind of process. Sure, it is just a very usual situation. All I can do to feel better other than thinking the way someone suggested me, I think it will be to recall all stuff that happened with some BFFs, family and friends. The only way to take away those memories with me, good or bad, they are all special, and they are the only thing left I can bring away with me. Then, I have to put down everything in the past, and look forward the journey awaiting me, nothing to hold me back.

This is the other journey, whatever I achieved in the past, shouldn't bring me  more pride, but as a reminder how I actually did it. This is another start from zero, and I have to walk it in humility. A humble heart, a passion to go further and further, an ongoing determination and a mind with more self-control than before are what I need to always remember. Hope not to lose myself, hope I will change better, hope I will continue to excel in many areas, and hope to walk with my Lord always.

Bye, my home..

Brothers...Sisters

Today,all of a sudden just looking at a student in Tsun Jin which his facebook name is Jason Goh, sitting beside his brother, taking a break at the canteen after volleyball practice. Not really know these two students since I am not from Tsun Jin volleyball team, considered strangers to me. Well, I just envy the way they look, not because they are more nice looking or look smarter, but just feeling "why on earth two person can look alike".

Talking nonsense, both of them are birth brothers.Well, sure we don't need to even introduce when you have a birth brother or sister standing beside you, your look and his/her look explain almost everything, the connection the both humanbeing have,... "you guys are brothers, you girls are sisters".
Ya, you two share almost the same height. Ya, you two share almost the same eyes, nose, cheek, hair style, brains, whatever body parts you can mention. Something similar, having the sense of belonging to one another, something in common to compare the differences....to compare from the common and to mention the differences? Sounds contradict and funny...

The most important part is having the same blood flowing in different bodies...

Yup, that's the most important part, the blood, the covenant that ensures no matter what on earth that will be happening to you guys, or you girls, like it or not, it will never change the fact that you guys and you girls will always be still brothers and sisters, from the same womb, being taught under the same roof.
How I wish my mum and her "should be" firstborn on year 1991 made it through during then.
Then when we guys both standing beside each other will know we are somehow related in some ways without any introduction. I really wish to have the sense of belonging and bonded to someone around my age.

Of course, I am still glad to have my mum and dad, but I hungry for more than that...I need someone to fight, I need someone to argue, I need someone to also fight then cooperate and find a solution so everyone can be happy....perhaps, I am really lacking of this kind of experiences, and this explains why I am quite a narrow-hearted person.
Will find ways to change in future, hope my future girlfriend changes me.

I was Food Poisoned...but it was great!

Obviously cheap stuff will always bring some inconveniences to the people who greed for them.
Well, Father's day, a day to show our appreciation to our dearest father, so mum gave a really wrong suggestion to eat a steamboat dinner in Seri Kembangan, Serdang. That dinner only cost me RM 13.80 per person, sounds worthwhile. Yup, it is cheap and that's why my mum suggest that to me since it was me to "belanja" them in this occasion. It was cheap but it was also dangerous.The steamboat set up was like a korean steamboat style which you can cook your seafood in two ways, first way you sizzle it or you just do it the usual way, dip the raw into the hot sup.....the setting was so lousy and hot oils will keep on spilling everywhere and sometimes it gets to your face.... the place was not air-conditioned, hot like hell, smoky smoky and smeeeelllyyy!!!! A suck environment to have your dinner where you need to wipe your sweats on and off with your arms....

Okay, dont mention the place was lousy, mention the after-meal incident on the second day, my stomach started twisting my body on the bed....feel like to puke in any moment and you are so not okay when you stop turning your body around here and there....shit like hell and vomit three times....ahhhhh....feels comfortable after doing those stuff when you see and you will definitely lose your appetite...anyway, eventually I wake my father up in the middle of the nite to seek doctor so I can get some relief.....
Well, my father definitely feels like a nice father that nite cus he helped me to feel better by boiling hot water and mixing the electrolyte drinks for me....i feel being loved...cuz hardly I am treated that way...not from him....feels real good..
I think I will really miss being loved in such ways from parents when I will study abroad in less than a month...I hope I wont home sick much during then...